Therapy Book Club
Occasionally I read a mental health or self-help book that offers a powerful shift in perspective. When they come along, I love to share some of the key points in case they come in handy for you, too! This month we’ll discuss author and therapist, KC Davis’ book, How to Keep House While Drowning. She wrote this book during the pandemic when she was trying to juggle kids and housework all while managing her ADHD symptoms. The book is written and structured with neurodivergent folks in mind (main points highlighted, literal interpretations offered for metaphors, and only about a 3 hour listen as an audiobook - even shorter if you choose to follow the abridged version). Don’t be deterred if you are someone who doesn’t have children or a family to take care of - there are plenty of applicable lessons to take away from this! Here are some key takeaways that stood out to me:
Let’s not minimize our struggles
Many people come to therapy expressing their frustration with the difficulty of incorporating new habit or changing behaviors. Often, we don’t consider all of the small steps that make up the “simple” task we’re trying to accomplish. In the book, Davis uses the example of feeding ourselves. When you break down that task it involves searching for recipes or ideas, considering portion sizes, finding the time to go to the grocery store, putting the groceries away, prepping the ingredients, and so on. And when we put it that way it turns out it isn’t so simple - there are a LOT of moving parts to consider. When we minimize our struggles by saying that this is something we should just do without having to think about it, it can be extraordinarily discouraging. Instead, let’s find ways to make some of these tasks more functional for ourselves.
Your home exists to serve you, you don’t exist to serve your home
Who else loves watching cleaning videos on TikTok? I find them to be so satisfying but I noticed I would start getting down on myself for not being able to keep my space clean consistently or put off a deep clean for long periods. In the book, Davis talks about the idea that it is more important for our space to function for our needs versus living to serve and care for our space. Ultimately - we want to incorporate a heavy dose of self-compassion and challenge any unattainable expectations we may place on ourselves.
You do not have to earn rest, you have a right to rest
Many people feel like they have difficulty resting until all of their tasks or chores are done. As adults, our to-do lists are auto-populating and there is no end to them. That may feel daunting, I know, but we have to take intentional time to rest (regardless of whether or not things are complete) to reduce the inevitable burnout that comes when we put off rest for the sake of our to-do lists.
These things take practice!
Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. It takes time to un-learn the ways we were told we “should” be doing something. And, as Davis discusses in her book, it turns out that shame is a terrible motivator. We’re aiming for function, not perfection!
To learn more I would encourage you to visit KC Davis’ website, check out the book from your local library, or listen to the audiobook. If you prefer videos, she has some TED Talks available online and videos demonstrating her methods included on her website and her TikTok account.