A Word on Hope

Hope can be so elusive that it’s hard to put into words. What does it mean to have hope? How exactly do we express hope? How do we have hope when life becomes challenging and dark? Hope sometimes requires a degree of dissonance, uncertainty, or negativity to be ignited. In a way, it can also be double edged; false or misplaced hope can set us on a path of despair. Holding hope is vulnerable, and yet it is part of what drives humanity.

When we think of hope, we think of our wants and our wishes. Cultivating hope can feel flimsy. Typically, our wishes are followed up with “What if what I wish for doesn’t come true?”.  If you notice yourself becoming anxious at the mere thought of your own desires, you might turn to trust and faith. Esther Perel, psychotherapist and relationship researcher, responds to the public’s question of “how do you build trust after betrayal, when hope has made a fool of you?” by saying, “Closing ourselves off to the possibility that things will get better doesn’t protect us from getting hurt. Unfortunately, it only ensures that nothing will change.”

So how do we practice having hope? Here’s what I found from my research:

1. Set and Achieve Goals

Hope is more actionable than we might typically think. People high in hope tend to set goals, and make strides towards them. Instead of letting life happen to them, setting expectations and hoping for things to just fall in their lap, they proactively make decisions and move towards them. Breaking up goals into objectives can be helpful; these are the small steps we take (objectives) to reach the top of the mountain (goal). Whether it is a lifelong dream or a small daily goal, we can learn to visualize what we want and create the conditions to set us up for success.

2. Surround Yourself with Positive and Hopeful People

Optimistic mindsets are contagious. I’ve noticed that sometimes these folks get the bad rep of being “toxically positive”. Being optimistic or surrounding yourself with optimistic people doesn’t mean that we turn our head to suffering, negativity, and challenges, but rather, can still hold two opposing truths simultaneously: in life, we can experience both joy and adversity. Hopeful people are still bright and proactive despite life’s inevitable twists and turns. This flexible perspective allows them to remain compassionate to others and themselves.

3. Focus on the Now

Focusing on the present moment might seem counterintuitive when hope is future oriented. However, our preoccupation with the past and anxiety about the future can keep us stuck. Worrying about the future doesn’t typically help us set realistic and attainable goals. Being present allows us to stay positive, take action, and focus on what we can control. Grounding yourself in the moment also allows you to express appreciation and gratitude. Even though you might not have everything you want, you can recognize the ways in which you are blessed. Thus, gratitude helps boost hope.  

4. Do some self-reflection

When I came across this research, it felt important to me. Those who embrace hope not only believe in themselves, but they are also able to forgive themselves. When we see ourselves in a rigid way, we end up in the success or failure bucket, which we know isn’t sustainable. So, while it is crucial to have confidence in yourself, allow yourself to be imperfect and forgive your mistakes. Failure is inevitable. If we let it stop us, we risk growth. Through self-reflection, we can view failure and shortcomings as an opportunity rather than a measure of self-worth.   

Folks high in hope display better physical and mental well-being, tend to live longer, and respond to the world differently. This hope fuels vitality and a zest for life. They focus on what they can control. Psychotherapist and researcher of stress, Elissa Epel, developed “the long view of hope” a balanced way of cultivating daily joy, social connection and purpose, while maintaining knowledge that we will experience loss, pain and disappointment in life. This seems to sum up the research; through hope, we gently hold dichotomies and surrender to compassion. Hope is a feeling, but it is also a plan. It is what keeps us going in the face of adversity. A courageous thing we can do as humans is to continue to carry hope, despite what we are faced with.