Your relationship with yourself
The most important, long-term, and sustained relationship we have in our life is our relationship with ourselves. Unfortunately, many of us use unnecessarily cruel words with ourselves or hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations, thus perpetuating our own negative internal dialogue and feeling of “not being enough.” This in turn leads us to being our own harshest critic instead of a non-judgmental, unconditionally loving and forgiving friend to ourselves. Improving your relationship with yourself is an ongoing process of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and self-care. Here are some steps you can take to foster a healthier and more positive relationship with yourself:
Cultivate self-awareness: the first step towards improving your relationship with yourself is understanding our negative beliefs, thoughts, and attitudes about yourself in order to become aware of any tendencies you have to be unkind or overly critical of yourself
Practice self-compassion: it is so easy for us to beat up on ourselves, especially in hard times. Treat yourself with the same patience, kindness, and compassion you would a loved one.
Replace negative self talk: utilize the self-awareness from above to identify patterns in negative thinking and replace those with positive affirmations or even neutral reframes.
Set boundaries: become aware of your boundaries with yourself and with others in order to demonstrate self-respect through the utilization of “no” and other limits. Practice communicating them assertively and directly
Embrace your authenticity: celebrate your uniqueness and lean into the things that make you genuinely happy.
Celebrate your wins: make small goals and reward yourself with praise or a treat when you complete them! Following through on goals builds up your sense of belief and trust in yourself
Practice ongoing self-care: put in place regular self-care practices to slow down, lean in, and take care of yourself. We all need to nourish our mind, body and soul with self-care.
Engage with mindfulness practices: connect with the present moment and notice our thoughts and feelings without attaching to them. This practice will be foundational in managing emotion regulation and distress tolerance.
Learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself: instead of holding onto these shortcomings or misguided actions, make an intentional effort to learn from them and then allow yourself to be a fallible human who makes mistakes. We can be guilty about the action without feeling guilty about who we are. Separate the action from our being.
Surround yourself with positive people: when we surround ourselves with people we admire, people we like, people who we have fun with, and people who support us, we can reflect this positivity
Gratitude: engage in regular gratitude practices to acknowledge the areas of your life you are satisfied with. The more we engage with these practices the more they become second nature
Avoid seeking external validation: seek validation from your achievements and your beliefs about yourself versus relying on those of others
Embrace your whole self: identify things you like about your personality, your talents, your skills, your intelligences
Develop your interests and hobbies: lean into what makes you happy and brings you peace and purpose
Chat with your therapist: if you are having a hard time cultivating a positive and supportive loving relationship with yourself, talk to your therapist about it
Most importantly, remember that cultivating a positive relationship with yourself takes time and it is always important to engage with patience and gentle understanding with yourself along this process.