Resetting New Year's Goals
You may have seen Lexi’s blog about setting New Year’s Resolutions. She offered some perspective on how to set goals for yourself, as well as to consider focusing on values rather than goals. Throughout this blog post, I expand on what Lexi said by focusing on five tips I have used to set, and reset, my own New Year's Resolutions!
Don’t just set long term goals, set short-term and medium-term goals as well.
Let’s face it, we live in a society where we receive instant gratification much of the time. We often set long-term goals yet want fast results, and that means we can set ourselves up for failure. When setting a long-term goal, consider what short-term goals might be helpful in getting you closer to achieving that long-term goal. And don’t forget that when you achieve those short term goals, you should celebrate them! Just because short-term goals aren’t as big or “impressive” as long-term goals doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to pat yourself on the back for what you’ve accomplished.
Fun tip: I actually think it’s best to start out by setting your short-term goals, because it’s a lot easier to consider what’s realistic and attainable. For instance, setting a goal to try every recipe in your new cookbook by the end of the year may sound doable, but if that means you need to try 3-4 new recipes a week to accomplish that goal, and that doesn’t seem doable for you, then maybe that’s not a realistic long-term goal for you. Instead, if you decide that trying one new recipe a week might be a more doable short-term goal, then maybe your goal for the year can be to try all of the meals in one section of the cookbook, like the appetizers or vegetarian options.
Be flexible with your goal setting.
There’s a phrase I use in therapy a lot, which is that we want to aim for “flexible structure.” Setting rigid goals can seem like a good idea because we have very clear expectations for ourselves if we do so. The thing is, life is unpredictable (hello, global pandemic), and oftentimes that unpredictability throws us off track of our goals. If we’re too rigid to begin with and then can’t keep up with that structure, then we might feel like a failure. However, if we offer ourselves some flexibility in our goal setting so it’s not so rigid, then we tend to give ourselves more grace and compassion when life gets in the way of our goals. Don’t forget, we can hold ourselves accountable to our goals and be kind to ourselves when we miss a day or make a mistake. Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive.
Example: Everybody is different, so take this example as you will, but I find that goals are often more attainable for me if I tell myself how frequently I want to work toward them rather than set up a full schedule. For instance, I’m more likely to workout 3 days a week if I can adjust what days I workout depending on my schedule. If I say, “I will workout Monday, Wednesday, and Friday” then what happens is I workout Monday but my schedule fills up on Wednesday so I don’t do that workout and by Friday I’m exhausted so I don’t do that workout. So now I’ve done one workout when if I had said “do three workouts this week” I may have worked out on Tuesday and Thursday as well and hit my goal.
Set goals that are for YOU, not for anyone else, and really consider your WHY.
When setting your goals, consider why you are setting them. If you realize that you are setting your goals because you want to make someone else happy/proud or because you think you should have that goal, then you’re less likely to stick with that goal! It’s much easier to consistently work toward a goal when it has a lot of meaning for us or when it’s something that truly excites us.
Personal Story: Pretty much every year I set the goal to read more books. I’m not a huge reader and tend to feel guilty about that. The thing is, every year I end up trying to read books that I should be reading - aka books for work. And guess what happens? I read one or two at the beginning of the year and then stop reading. Well, last year I told myself not to put any pressure on what books I should or shouldn’t be reading. If I didn’t want to read a book for work then I wouldn’t read a book for work. If I didn’t like the book I was ready I would stop reading it and try another. Guess what happened? I read a lot more last year than I have in years. When you set goals for yourself that you are excited about, and let go of goals that you’re setting to appease other people or your own guilt, you tend to set yourself up for more success.
Celebrate your wins and offer yourself compassion for when things go awry.
As humans we thrive on positive reinforcement and validation. We often think that we need to be tough on ourselves to stay accountable to our goals, but as I said earlier, accountability and compassion can both be present when working toward goals. Think about it, if someone you knew was working on a goal, you wouldn’t tell them they’re not working hard enough or fast enough to achieve it, right? So let’s not say that to ourselves either. Instead, use compassionate self-talk to course-correct when you fall off the horse or get sidetracked from your goal. In addition, as I said above, celebrate your short-term goals! They may be smaller but each small goal you complete adds up to some pretty big changes in your life. Every step you take deserves celebration and recognition.
Food for Thought: When setting your short-term goals, also consider setting ways to celebrate or reward yourself for completing that goal.
Remember you can set new goals if you realize your goals are unattainable.
When setting goals, it’s helpful to try to be as realistic as possible, but again, life is unpredictable and sometimes we need to recognize that the original goal we set wasn’t as attainable as we thought, or it’s no longer attainable due to circumstances out of our control. There’s no shame in setting a new goal for yourself halfway through the year. We’re more likely to keep working toward a goal if we reset it to be more attainable, rather than give up because we realize a goal doesn’t work for us anymore. I believe we all make decisions with the best of intentions, based on the information we have at the moment. But as you try working toward a goal, you may gain more information that shows you the goal isn’t manageable. When that happens, make a new goal with the new information and insight you have.
Keep in mind: There’s no significant value to January 1st other than that it’s the first day of the year. You are allowed to set a goal for yourself whenever you want to! So don’t shy away from setting or resetting goals just because it’s May or October.
I know all of this sounds very simple and straightforward, but the truth is it’s not, because we have to commit to practicing these five tips on a regular basis. If you would like help with accountability, compassion, goal-setting, or growth, send an inquiry to work with one of our team members!