Resolutions?
Let’s be realistic here, folks. Rarely do New Year’s resolutions work. In fact, according to a study at Scranton University, only roughly 19% of people follow through on their resolutions. That’s about 1 in 5 of us who will actually follow through on their resolutions. What typically happens actually, is most people abandon their resolutions by mid-January. The odds are not in your favor there. I know it can seem sparkly and idyllic to start a new year on the “right foot” and make all these drastic beautiful changes that will get you exactly where you want to be. But- it is not as easy as that. There are several reasons why this isn’t a fool proof plan and I’ve outlined them below.
This idea of beginning a new set of behaviors on January 1st rejects the concept of stages of change which acknowledges that the “action” phase of change (where the desired behavior actually occurs) comes after about three other stages. Before action is precontemplation, contemplation, and preparation. Precontemplation is when there is no intention to take action to either eliminate or increase a behavior. In contemplation, people may acknowledge the behavior they want to change and may begin thinking about the pros and cons of changing this behavior. Preparation is when people are beginning to make small steps towards this change and are beginning to acknowledge the benefit to making this change. Then we get to action. This is when the behavior has changed and there is intention and effort made to maintain that change. When we set an intention to drastically change a behavior by January 1st, we are failing to work our way through the other necessary changes which will get us to action- the place where the change actually occurs. In short, going from 0 to 60 is not sustainable.
We often make our resolutions too big or too general. We may think of something we want to occur that is quite a broad undertaking like “be healthier” or “make more money” or “learn a new skill.” While these resolutions aren’t necessarily a bad thing- they are very general and not specific! When we leave them too general, we set ourselves up for failure by not coming up with a concrete plan. You may have heard of SMART goals before (if not, Rikki wrote a lovely blog about it that you can check out). SMART goals are specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, time bound. Many goals occur as a journey of smaller goals that get you to where you want to be. But it is important to be SMART about them, something we often forget.
We forget to adapt to barriers along the way and we often abandon resolutions when we hit a bump in the road. That can be a very all-or-nothing approach, one that people adopt when thinking about resolutions and behavior change. Instead of thinking about it as a failure and throwing away the entire goal, we could acknowledge the challenges we may come across and make a plan for them. Specifically, utilizing flexibility with ourselves is important. Abandoning “should” statements can help with this too. Behavior change takes planning and more often than not, it is not a “perfect” journey. There will be hiccups and it is important to plan for these along the way.
January 1st can feel like a day we “should” be turning over a new leaf. This pressure may mean we are engaging in extrinsic motivation (motivation from the external) versus intrinsic motivation (motivation from our internal desires). It is important these changes are not things we feel pressured or rushed into and are not things that are occurring because of external motivators. Rather, these behavior changes and resolutions need to reflect what we really want.
It is not uncommon for us to approach resolutions on our own. We don’t harness our supports or rely on them when bumps in the road occur. To make meaningful change, it is important we talk about it! It is important that we feel supported and can ventilate when things are challenging. Sure, these resolutions are for us but they aren’t meant to be solo journeys.
So, if I’ve convinced you that New Year’s resolutions don’t work- nice! I’m not just going to leave you empty handed though. I want to introduce an alternative that I often recommend to my clients who want to approach change in a different way. Values. When we think about how we want to live our lives, we are typically thinking about VALUES. Example: I want to feel content, I want to prioritize my health, I want to engage in self-compassion. Those are values!
So, how are goals and values any different you may ask? Well, goals are more specific (think: SMART) and tend to be more close ended. Meaning, once we complete the goal, we check it off and move on to another goal. Goals also tend to be more future oriented. Once I get that promotion (in the future), I will have accomplished it! Along that journey towards achieving that big promotion there are typically lots of things you are engaging in values-wise that can occur in the present moment. For example, I value being responsible, on-time, a good worker, reliable, and consistent. Those are values that I can always engage in that typically help me accomplish my goals! In fact, goals that are driven from values tend to be more meaningful and you have a greater likelihood of accomplishing this goal through values-based actions. Values reflect what is important to you and help to drive behavior in the present moment. So, how do you figure out your values? Well, I have included a link for the values cards I typically use with my clients where we pull out which ones speak to you. The end of a year can be a good time to do a values sort and think about ways to live a values-based life this upcoming year.
So, as 2022 approaches, think about what values are meaningful to you. What are the things you want to guide your life and ways you want to be engaging. Do your own values sort and reflect on all the ways you’ve lived in line with these values in 2021 and the ways you want to continue in 2022. Happy New Year from us at Health in Tandem! I hope you have a valuable year ;)