Single For the Holidays
If showing up to holiday parties stag creates a feeling of dread, activates your insecurities, and attacks your sense of worth simply because there isn’t a plus one on your RSVP, then you need to read this.
Being single is not a curse, and it definitely does not mean that there is something intrinsically wrong with who you are, yet the season manipulates your mind and self-esteem to believe otherwise. With social media being flooded with holiday engagement posts, and mailboxes overflowing with family matching pajama holiday cards, it can feel like the world is telling you: Being single sucks. WRONG! It’s kick ass, and I will tell you why.
Let’s take a look at logistics shall we?
1. Money saved!
Listen, buying gifts for family members is hard enough, and then factor in a romantic partner? Forget about it! There is so much that goes into buying a gift for a partner, like what do you get someone who you’ve only known for two months, or better yet, someone you’ve been with for a long time? You run out of ‘fun gift ideas’ in year 2, trust me. The money saved is money to spend on yourself, or another family member or friend who is having a rough year. I don’t know about you, but I’ll take a vacation over buying a Playstation 5 any day.
2. No splitting time with anyone else’s family and their holiday traditions!
Meemaw isn’t getting any younger, and splitting time with your significant other’s family would take away from making more holiday memories with those who may not be with you next year. Being single means getting all the time to be present with your own family, and after a very hard, and strenuous year & a half (thanks Covid), take that time! Being single means not having to deal with feeling guilty for missing out on your own family traditions. Besides, if you’re not there, who is going to make pigs in a blanket?
3. Space and time to redefine your dating standards!
Spending time with partnered family and friends is a great way to see what works in relationships and what doesn’t. By being single for the holidays, you can reflect on what you value in a partner, reshape what your non-negotiables are, and set those standards going into the new year. When we allow loneliness to dictate our connections, we often end up with too many red flags to count, but loneliness is telling you ‘It’s not really that bad.’ Loneliness will tell you that Ted Bundy really is a nice guy, so take the holiday to truly assess: is this person healthy for me, or is loneliness trying to derail my peace?
4. You are not the only one!
Saying that dating is hard is an understatement, and let’s face it, there are more people who are emotionally immature, and who haven’t dealt with their past trauma, than there are people who are ready to be in a committed relationship. Where we are in the journey of knowing ourselves, will determine future relationships that are presented to us. This holiday season, use that self-awareness when meeting other singles, because there are many of them all searching for compatibility and connection. The key is knowing healthy connection versus unhealthy dependency.
5. Social Media lies!
Not every smiling couple standing in front of Christkindlemart is as happy as the Instagram photo would lead you to believe. What we see is a filtered version that alters the truth in more ways than one, and being single is often something these couples wish they were! Being single gives you the freedom to be unapologetically yourself, without augmenting your authenticity in order to appease your significant other’s friends or family. For many, being single is a choice, and an enjoyable one at that! It does not mean that they might not ever want a connection, or someone to eventually share their life with, it means they value the strong connections that they already have; the strongest connection being with themselves!
The next time Aunt Mary wants to comment on why you aren’t married, or still single, inform her that you are self-partnered. You are the most important relationship you will ever have in your life and no other person can be the driving force of your worth and value. So start treating yourself with the love and care you would a partner, because being single means all that love is all for you.