Mindfulness Myth

“I can’t meditate,” or “I’m bad at meditating,” is something I hear from clients often when I introduce mindfulness skills. Normally when they say this it’s for a few reasons: they find it difficult to sit in silence for long periods, they get caught up in wondering if they’re “doing it right,” or they are expecting that they’ll “feel better” afterward. 

I want to debunk the myth that we’re guaranteed to feel better after using mindfulness practices. When I say mindfulness in this context I’m referring to meditation, grounding skills, or any practice that asks us to focus on what we’re experiencing without judgment. I work with clients through an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) framework. In ACT, there is an emphasis on mindfulness skills being used to increase our ability to manage or navigate difficult thoughts and feelings, NOT to reduce, avoid, or rid ourselves of them. So, with that being said, when we engage in a mindfulness practice the goal is not to suddenly feel peaceful or at ease in a distressing situation. If we are being present and mindful during upsetting situations it is highly unlikely that we’ll feel relaxed, so we need to adjust our expectations when using mindfulness tools. 

If we go into a mindfulness exercise expecting that we’ll feel more relaxed after, we are more likely to experience disappointment or self-judgment when the unwanted emotion is still present. You might feel more relaxed or less stressed after practicing mindfulness, but we want to ensure that we frame that as a bonus, rather than as the goal. When we practice mindfulness as a way to be aware of our emotional experience and choose actions that align with our values, we’re giving ourselves an invaluable tool.

Next time you sit down to meditate, take a few deep breaths, or engage with one of your senses, remind yourself that taking a pause (even if you don’t feel better immediately!) allows you more space to act in a way you feel proud in the long run.