Love Bombing
What is Love Bombing and Why is it Detrimental?
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and no matter how you feel about the holiday, it’s a good time to explore the concept of “love bombing.” At first glance, the term might seem harmless or even romantic.
However, love bombing is often a manipulative tactic that occurs early in relationships. It involves overwhelming displays of affection, attention, and flattery, along with constant communication and grand gestures. All of this happens in a short period, aiming to create a rapid and intense commitment. For some, it might feel like “love at first sight.” A popular example would be Joe Goldberg from the show You.
While love bombing might sometimes include extravagant gifts, it can also take the form of excessive compliments, rushing to declare love, or quickly discussing shared futures. Although it’s most commonly associated with romantic relationships, love bombing can also appear in friendships, family dynamics, or other interpersonal connections.
This behavior can be intentional or unintentional. People who exhibit anxious attachment styles or codependent tendencies may be more susceptible to love bombing because it can provide a temporary boost in self-esteem. Meanwhile, individuals who engage in love bombing may exhibit narcissistic or antisocial tendencies. Unfortunately, this tactic is also employed by sex traffickers, gang members, and cult leaders.
The Three Phases of Love Bombing
1. The Idealization Phase
During this phase, the individual showers their partner with excessive attention and affection, aiming to break down emotional defenses. It often feels like a whirlwind romance, leaving the recipient swept off their feet or feeling like they’re living a fairy tale. This stage is sometimes referred to as the “honeymoon phase.”
2. The Devaluation Phase
Once the recipient has let their guard down, the manipulative behavior becomes apparent. The love bomber may attempt to control their partner, becoming upset over independent plans or trying to isolate them from friends and family. Gaslighting may occur, making the recipient question their perception of reality. In extreme cases, fear, intimidation, or even physical violence may be used to maintain control.
3. The Discard Phase
When confronted about harmful behaviors or when boundaries are set, the love bomber may avoid accountability by withdrawing or ending the relationship. This can leave the recipient feeling confused, disoriented, or as though they’ve failed. Many blame themselves for not recognizing the warning signs sooner, but it’s important to remember that love bombers are often highly skilled manipulators.
What to Do If You Recognize Love Bombing
If you suspect you’re experiencing love bombing, here are some steps to take:
Set boundaries: Protect yourself by creating limits, such as blocking the individual on social media or reducing contact. In extreme cases, consider changing your phone number.
Assess your emotions: Take time to reflect on how the relationship makes you feel and whether it aligns with your comfort and values.
Seek an objective perspective: Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist who can provide clarity.
Understand not all relationships work out: Sometimes, leaving a situation like this is a form of “dodging a bullet.” If the relationship feels unstable early on, it’s likely not a healthy match.
Prioritize safety: While love bombing doesn’t always escalate to physical violence, it’s crucial to take precautions if you feel unsafe. Contact law enforcement if necessary or reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233).
If you’re navigating this experience, know you’re not in this alone. The therapists at Health in Tandem are here to help you regain control and prioritize your well-being.